those formative years never really go away

I am the fat chick.

the
splat
chick.

the
ditch our date on the 8th
chick.

the
plastic glasses
the
fantastic fat rolls
the
five chin folds
chick.

the
forget I'm fat funny girl
the
big boobed too soon boom across the room
chick.

she owns my soul.
she knits a net of regret that
touches my toes
and she
has the license
to drive
this shift.

she is all my shit
and scoffs
and the blonde
chick
I've become.

she knows my secrets
she inks them in eager
genes
that promise to repeat.

she is my evil
she is my vile
she lives.

what's the point

hey,
strange fruit,
you blew it.
you bruised it.
you refused it.

you
blackandblued
it.
spewed
God's gift
grace trace
those
pearly gates
all over
the
fucking
place.

what a waste
you were

sour grapes
spoiled faith
erased name

go away

pack your shit
and pretend
it never
existed.
embrace addictive
liquids
and
pills
& pack your
gills
with metallic
quills.

write yourself
off
ink
your life
in lies
lie next to
him
and cry

contemplate
exits
over breakfast
eggs
and spill salt
over your
toast

you never deserved
ripe fruit
anyway,
did you?

I love the sound of a popped cork

wine
is kind
to my mind.

grateful
grapes
grope at
my onus
and erase

it rolls
behind my eyes
and severs
stable ties:
gravity
depravity
and the things
I want to do
to the man
in front of me.

this
wine
unwinds
blinds
sighs
and sings.
it
gives me
wings
and
thinner thighs
almond eyes
and an ass
for guys.

it
grinds
my imperfect.
whispers
I'm worth it
and have some
more,
you deserve it.

it wins
without a fight.
it flies
without a flight.
it sees
without sight
it conquers
all my might
and eases
all my plights.

I'll have some more.
I deserve it

Cat

slick bitch
slithers
in.

swish

with an
alcohol
kiss

wet lips

and twists
in her hips.

assured eyes
tears dried
glitter liner
and perfume
behind her.

sniff.

she is
a Miss
with confidence
no nonsense
this bitch
is God's gift
awash
in ribbons
and rhythm
and rumplemintz.

she says
of course
duh
didn't you know
her shit
is a show
and she glows
with know.

and I don't.

I watch her
own.
I watch her
glow.
I watch her
no nonsense
shit show
and want my own.

I take notes
on her
confidence
that floats
boasts
and breathes.

I wish it could be me

Mean

I want to ruin marriages.
spit on carriages
and damage
families.

I abhor happy couples
fondling fingers
across tables.
Sharing shit
staring each other
into some poetic abyss.

Can I save them time
and piss on their future?

Quote divorce statistics
tell them their
daughters will be bulimic
and their sons will be expelled
for
pot
and cheating?

Honey, your husband
wants me
anyway,
any by the way,
he says I'm better
in the hay.

nobody can draw
a perfect circle.
diamonds are polished
rocks.
and when you die
your body digests itself.

you think you're loving but you don't love me

when you say my name
my heart squeaks
and
skips a beat.

and when you say
we
I free my
fingers of rings.


When I say
we
you squirm
wormy fingers.

you hide from my hands
and maneuver from my mouth

my ego
is bruised
and I am another
one
of your
stupids.

I never should
have moved
into you.
boozed
into you.
perfumed
for you.
sped
in icy
December
in cahoots
with
you.

and I
am
blackbruised

for you.

and I am now
who
without you.

He called to make sure we're still best friends

He knew I wanted it.
to suck his
dick.
to kiss
his skin.
to leave
my lips
on his
for
breathless
minutes.
to cup
his neck
between
my palms
and watch his
eyes
laser
across my face.

he hugs my
hips
into him,
hoping we
melt
together
this way
and stay.

he let it
be my way.
he let me
love him.
and he let me
stay.