sames and differents

i refuse to capitalize
because
why should
any
fucking one of us
be proper?

why
am i
are you
is she
more important than i
am?

and how are we different

of one breath as
the world

inhales itself
and breathes us
into new seconds
amongst the
petals
and sidewalk cracks
and cigarettes

we
all
breathe

and suddenly 

capitals
seem inconsequential.

chemicals

it
is chalk white
and porcelain smooth.
i spin it between fingertips
my forgiveness pill

and the storm is
purple opaque
cabernet  thick
with slow wet legs
that
climb the crystal
to escape
but only
scrape
the walls
 with trails
of sanguine
scratches.


and i've bedded
 the cement;
replaced
my pulse
with stone
and


unhinged my jaws
to swallow

fishhook thorns
and
throw away
the roses.


 and i owned
my onus home
 as a silkworm
 spits its house
of silk;
a frizz cotton pill

of possibles
on the outside
while
  it sits in its dark
and awaits
the warted boil
of a watery
cemetery.

darkness has been my home
and I
a slave to
salt waters.

it seems impossible
to believe
these satin pills
could save me

flame

i love you

she says.

i love you

and

more than a friend.

she smiles her ceruleans

from her side of

the peony pillow and

brushes blondes

behind my eyes.

it is five

and the night

is silence

except for

the crickets

 whistling

at the blackness.

the

stiletto grass is

still

and the curtains 

breathe

so slightly.

 and the beige flame
on the skull candle

sways with her words.

i love you.

 the world has inhaled.

and i am the fence

on which

her world

is impaled. 

my sight is

eclipsed by

 her kiss

and her

skin

and her lips

are smooth.

her rose

petal

wrist

sweeps my cheek

and

our fingers lace

as my heart

races

and the day

erases
the night.

the wax

melts the skull's

final eye

and smoulders

the flame

into a coiling frizz

of smoke

and she

can read me.

i know.

 she

collects her things

and goes.

one summer

I watch as

she presses a

sweet cherry

between her lips

runs her tongue

into its

crevice

and devours it

and the pit.

she lets the juice

drip

onto her chest

and

she has saved

the soft

green stem,

which she knots

in her mouth

and places on my bare knee.

I paint my mind

across her face;

peach cheeks,

icy eyes,

stony

self

assuredness.

and all I want

is her

cherry kiss.

to

catch

the juiced drip

before her

nipple

and

whisper

into her skin.

my breath would be

fruity

and my words

sweet.

a fairytale

orange shower
orange skin
spray on sexy
swims to the drain

pale is for the poor
and ugly

ew

I pour my pores with
orange powders
tinted sprays
and liquid light
now I'm
all right

no more plain
white

and I am the
sun-kissed Cindarella,
a beautiful
blond
who glitters for the ball
but watches all her beauty
bashed
as midnight crashed.

sometimes beauty
is a spell,
I think,
as I watch
my tan
swim
to the sink.

itchy

I drag hair from my war torn scalp.
one blond, two blond, three blond four.
and toss them
free fall
to the floor.

I scratch my nails into my skull
and find crimson skin beneath my nails.

I force myself to stop.
Drill my fingers into my palms,
pinch into my skin.

But my skull rolls roars
for fingers.
pick. scratch. pull. attack.

attack
attack

it's sick
I'm sick
I want to pick
myself apart;
reverse jigsaw,
and remove myself raw
of all my wrongs.

I'm a disease I want to appease.
A bug I want to put in a corner
and crawl from.

I want to wiggle away from my skin
like a snake
and trail my organs
across
the
floor.

Dis
ass
em
ble
myself
into
c e l l s
and sell
my soul
for something
worthful.

a list of shit that makes me think of you

double straws
melted ice
miller lite
icy breaths
musk
and cigarettes
(marlboros,
minus the filters)
squeaky leather seats
audis
ringless fingers
vaselined hands
pastel oxfords
a wool sweater
the joke about fucking sheep
a packed suitcase
the thong I left at his place
the empty pinot grigio
and the warm spot
still left
on my favorite
pillow